My darkness turns to light

My daughter pointed out the other day that news anchors are giving out the suicide hotline number when they give economic reports. A few days later, a gruesome father-family murder-suicide in a nearby neighborhood hit the news. This guy lost half of everything in the stock downturn, and the other half in real estate speculation, and now was facing the embarrassment of his bankruptcy becoming public. The neighbors were totally gob smacked by the trauma.

Why did he kill himself? No one knows for sure, but it is not hard to speculate about at least three dark forces that drove this "normal" man to do such a horrendous thing: (1) he had all his hope and security in his money/portfolio/holdings--take those away and his hope and security were gone. But, there had to be more: (2) he must have blamed himself for the loss--he invested, he speculated, he got his wife to sign the mortgages, he felt like he had totally failed. That must have been tied into one more thing: (3) he must have been very proud (even boasted?) about all his stuff. Take away hope and security, fasten blame without excuse, and bring humiliation and there you have a painful condition that drinking the cocktail of suicide is thought to fix. So sad, and yet so easily understood.

There is something I wish I could have shared with the man before he took this permanent solution to temporary problems. It comes from the Hebrew Scriptures: "You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light" (Psalm 18:28). There are three things this brief quote speaks deeply to me when I have dark days with despairing thoughts:

1. I am not the source of my survival or security. There is Another who provides the "oil" for "my lamp." To the proud, prayer is a quaint, psychological pacifier. To those who know, a great and mighty Hand is found in low places of humility and humiliation. God does not reveal Himself to the proud, but speaks in a still, small voice to those brought low (what the ancients called the "Divine Incognito"). "You, O Lord--not I--keep my lamp burning." There will always be enough.

2. God is about the business of bringing light out of darkness. It is one of the first things the Bible says God is good at. In the creation story's version of the Big Bang theory, God looks at the chaotic darkness and says, "Let there be light." And, like that, there was light. He is still good at this. With just a word, Jesus was found saying to disease, blindness and moral lostness, "Be healed." Snap. Like that. Done. Many say it can't be done. I'm not one. I am here to tell you there is a God who turns my darkness to light. Not just light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel kind of light, but light outside and in, flooding my day and night: hope in place of despair, purpose in place of lostness, and a real sense of future and security in the place of uncertainty and anxiety.

3. "My darkness." The part I am most thankful about is that God does not just save victims and the downcast and outsiders, but He saves people like me who are a victim of their own moral fault and poor decision-making. When the darkness I find myself in is the result of my own doing--when it is really MY darkness--even and especially there the God of mercy and compassion brings grace, mercy and forgiveness. He turns the very things I have brought upon myself INTO LIGHT. He is so good at this darkness-to-light thing--and so full of mercy--that He takes my own self-inflicted suffering and turns it into character and wisdom and comfort for others.

When I feel lost and laid low, that is when the heart-cry of Mary in her humiliation means the most to me: "My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my savior! ... His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble" (Luke 1:46, 50-52). The proud can't find God at all, and resent Him. No wonder, since the Bible says God opposes the proud. Life is hard enough--who needs God against you? But, it also says, "He gives grace to the humble."

You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning. My God turns MY darkness into light.

From the dead

What a morning we had this morning. The sun came up on cue over the Atlantic, as we dug our feet in the sand and sang "Celebrate Jesus, Celebrate!" with several hundred other Christians. "Happy Easter!" "He is risen indeed!"

This morning's service had everything you'd expect on Easter: smiling faces, friendly people, snappy clothes and the expected references to mystery and magic, caterpillars and butterflies. "The Dancing Angels" made my day. I didn't think it would be possible to get six 8 year old BOYS to do synchronized dancing and let themselves be called, "The Dancing Angels." But, there they were. Easter is about impossible things.

The most impossible part of Easter is its essence, the distance Jesus traveled on that morning. He went from dead to alive. There is no greater distance than this. You can long jump the Grand Canyon sooner than you can get from completely dead to fully alive. Impossible. Yet, as the Monkeys sang, I'm a believer.

From the dead. That is where Jesus was raised from on Easter. "He is risen...FROM THE DEAD." If you accept Mark Twain's principle, then you have to accept the possibility that the resurrection of Jesus could be true and real. Mark Twain (who had a cat named "Satan") said, "Truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to stick to the possibilities. Truth doesn't." The resurrection is impossible, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. If there is a God, then resurrection is light lifting for His little finger.

For the dead. All around us are walking wounded people who feel like the living dead. An affair smashed their marriage. Cancer snatched their friend. A drunk driver destroyed their child. Their company laid them off, which led to foreclosure seizing their house, which ended in bankruptcy bouncing all their checks. Forget about retirement--where is next month's rent coming from? They feel helpless and hopeless, lost and alone, perplexed and bewildered, thrashing about for something, somewhere, somehow. They feel knocked down, wiped out, flat on their backs. For them, there is One who stood up after being knocked down as down as down gets.

For those who feel like dying, Jesus is their man. He rose from the dead, for the dying. There is no problem too big. If He can rise from the dead, he can provide next month's rent, heal a broken heart, mend shattered dreams and provide a future and a hope. HOw do you get His help? You simply ask for it: "Jesus, please help." He doesn't need a lot of words, and you don't need to be good to ask.

From the dead, for the dead. Yep, I'm a believer that Jesus is risen, is alive and has the strength to help. All I have to do is ask.

Brian
Easter 2009